I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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