His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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