ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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