Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm too high and old for this...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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