Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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