I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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