I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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