Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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