Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
