Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
do herpes really smell.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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