Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
