i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
