So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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