yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize