your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
