ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
