I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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