You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
