Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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