Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
