bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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