Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
