Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
