get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
