Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
