So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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