Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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