just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
