It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
