You work out of a Hotel?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
