Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize