So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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