I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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