I think I am morally bankrupt
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
