I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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