Can Purell be used as lube?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
