Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
