Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This baby is an asshole
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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