i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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