I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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