do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
