I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
