You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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