You're my little dorito
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
