I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
