I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
