That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
