Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
