So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
