the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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