sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
