i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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