didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
