You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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