I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ladies don't puke and tell