You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
