Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.