your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"