theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
