Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
