I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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