I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
