You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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