I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
