Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
