but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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