A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
