you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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