Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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