there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
