I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
