You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
