Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
