is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
