omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
