i need an iv and a liver transplant
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
